I'd Never Eat Again If I Could Just Talk to My Friend Again

I've never been an emotional eater.  On the contrary, when I'm sad or heartbroken I lose my appetite entirely.  Today I haven't eaten one morsel of anything.  I had one, maybe two sips of water.  I'm sure I'll eat at some point today -- I have to eat... but I don't have hunger.  I am both heartbroken and sad.

Friday, May 13, 2011 was a regular Friday.  I went to work, spoke to my colleague and friend in the morning, and that afternoon had a conference call with him and a client.  Roger Klems -- what a great guy.  He knew more about the industry than anyone I've ever met, knew most of the people in it quite well and was just a genuinely sweet and loving man.  Well, that and the proudest Grandfather I've ever seen.  He'd take any opportunity to tell you about one of his four grandchildren.  His son, Brian, has one more on the way -- due any minute now.

I went on with my life, eating my way through the weekend as always.  Monday morning an urgent meeting is called at work.  Well shoot -- I haven't even gotten my breakfast yet.  What could this be about?  Roger passed away Friday evening of a sudden heart attack.

I can't wrap my brain around it.  I'd just spoken to Roger THAT DAY.  Friday afternoon he was his usual self.  He was so excited because he was going to have two of the grandchildren for an overnight stay while his kids went out to celebrate their anniversary.  Never a prouder grandfather... how could he have died?

Monday went buy with a few tears, but a somber business as usual.  Tuesday was very much the same.  I still couldn't wrap my head around it.  Wednesday I got an e-mail from Brian (Roger's son) with funeral information.  A few tears -- still wasn't sinking in.  Then it happened.

Today is Thursday, May 19, 2011.  Roger's son, Brian, has a blog that I follow.  The Life of Dad.  Roger had e-mailed me about last summer... sometime around August 2010.  Always the proud Dad, his son was blogging about his life as a father for over a year, and had just gotten picked up to get paid for it.  Yay for regular updates!  I've been following the blog pretty religiously since Roger mentioned it to me.  Today's post made it real for me.  The post is called The Life of (My) Dad.  This is Brian's tribute to Roger.  It's the eulogy he read at Roger's funeral.  I cried when I read it the first time.  I cried even harder when I read it the fifth time.

The entire ride home this morning -- 45 minutes in the car -- I cried the ugly cry.  It suddenly feels very real to me, and the pangs of hunger are long since forgotten, washed away by heartbreak and saddness.

I miss my friend.